


Close Encounters of the Thirst Kind

by lucycamui



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, M/M, Skater!Yuuri, alien!Victor, alternative universe, try not to laugh challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 13:51:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18262616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucycamui/pseuds/lucycamui
Summary: Victor is an alien who has learned about humans through studying intercepted porn streams. He comes down to Earth to conduct research with a human mate, all while possessing a very warped understanding of Earth culture… and a mighty jealousy of the pizza delivery boy.





	Close Encounters of the Thirst Kind

Yuuri blinked. And blinked again. Once more. Nope, still there. There was an extremely gorgeous, well-built, and _well-hung_ specimen standing at the center of the hot spring. He was exactly Yuuri’s type too. Tall, fit, foreign. His abdomen and hipline were so cut that Yuuri could wash his clothes on them and hang them to dry. Also he was hung, had Yuuri mentioned hung? It looked like something straight out of a porno and not a Japanese one. Uncensored. Uncut. No mosaics or bars or the makings of a lightsaber battle. The air must have been extremely hot and humid because Yuuri was burning up. All he had done was come out to see who was splashing around in the springs well after hours, not at all expecting to get _this_.

The foreigner's skin looked to be sculpted of alabaster and his hair glowed in the same shade as the moon overhead. Not metaphorically. Literally. Strands of silver literally glowing of moonlight.

Yuuri blinked again. And again. Still there. “Ummm…” Yuuri could take this two ways. Greet in English and risk offending the man when it turned out he spoke perfect Japanese, by Yuuri’s luck. Or greet in Japanese and get a confused look when it turned out he was merely a casual tourist, also by Yuuri’s luck. Yuuri would take the embarrassment either way if it also meant that by some karmic miracle the visitor turned out to be as massive of a gay as Yuuri. “Hi?”

“Greetings, fellow human being!”

Oh, he had an accent. A hot, deep, rolling one. Sounded thick and heady, like Russian. This was either very bad or very very good—wait, what?!

“My name is Victor and I have arrived here in order to become your sexual partner! Escort me to your mating quarters so that we may get down jiggy with it.”

Yuuri blinked. For a different reason this time. “...Get down jiggy with it?”

“Is that not how you say it? Forgive me, allow me to adjust.” Victor put a leg up on the flowing fountain at the center of the spring, baring more of the all that he had. “I want you to fuck me so hard my ass splits open.”

Yuuri turned around and walked away, the steam coming from the hot water now starting to come out of his ears. He reached the entrance to the washroom, put his hand on the door, and turned back, staring. Victor was still in the same position and from Yuuri’s changed viewpoint he now had a glimpse of a very firm, very pert, very perfect ass. “What?!”

Victor’s brows furrowed. Yuuri noticed that they glowed too. He had just gotten back from the ice rink after a full day’s practice, exactly how tired was he? Maybe he was dreaming of handsome weirdos offering to get him laid. Perhaps he should point him in the direction of the nearest love hotel. Baron would likely suit his tastes.

“Is that also wrong?” Victor asked, tapping a finger to his lips, rotating his hips as he did so. It made his impressive junk swing, balls like a pendulum. Wow, those were perfect too. Yuuri wondered what it might feel like to roll those around in his palms—no, focus! Do not get swayed by the swaying dick. Swaying gorgeous dick. From the neck down, Victor was hairless, making every glorious inch all the more visible. Yuuri obviously needed to silently stream some porn on the English version of Google to take out all his repressed horniness before he did something he regretted.

“I… depends on what you’re trying to achieve here?” Yuuri said, rubbing the back of his neck. He angled his own head up. Look in his eyes, look at his face, don’t pay attention to his dick. Wow, his face was so symmetrical it was frightening. Why was Yuuri cursed with thirsting after white boys? Five years in Detroit really should have taught him better. Nothing good ever came of it.

“Allow me to try again,” Victor said, changing his position. He planted both palms on the frog statue in the center of the onsen, bending over with his hips thrust back and his ass out. Yuuri’s first instinct would have been to smack it, if it were within range. “Bend me over and call me daddy.”

“I think it’s the other way around,” Yuuri blurted out, eyes zoomed in on that tush. It looked to be sculpted of marble by one of the great greeks themselves.

“What?”

“If I bend you over, you’re supposed to call me daddy.”

“That would make more sense.”

“Yes, but no.”

“Shall we do the horizontal bop?”

“No.”

“Make the beast with two backs?”

“No.”

“Get to know each other in the biblical sense?”

“No.”

“Fadoodle?”

“I don’t even know what that means!” Why was Yuuri even entertaining this?! He had slipped into some combination of his worst nightmare and a wet dream, because an extremely attractive man was propositioning him in the strangest of ways. Not even drunk frat boys came off so desperate. “Why are you—who are you—are you okay?” Maybe Victor had been sitting in the hot water for too long and had gotten delusional. Foreign visitors sometimes did that. Soaked for longer than advised, stood up too quickly, banged their head on the edge of the baths. He should check for a concussion, but that would mean approaching and touching Victor and Yuuri was not sure if he was prepared for that.

“All my vital signs read normal prior to my descent but I suppose your oxygen-rich atmosphere could be causing some abnormal reactions. Do I not seem okay?”

That was weird. Maybe he was a mountain climber. Or had come from some remote village where they did not get much interaction with the outside world. That did not explain the glowing hair but Yuuri did not claim to keep up with trends. “I think you should get out of the water and cool your head,” Yuuri said, letting his hospitality training take over. “Are you a guest?”

“Yes! And I come in peace.” Victor flashed the Star Trek finger sign.

Yuuri chose to ignore it. Too much. Too much at once, his brain could not handle it. Just a weird foreigner, his family had dealt with them before. There had been that one German, back when Yuuri was in high school, but so far Victor did not appear as strange as that guy had been.

Getting Victor out of the onsen and inside the inn was an ordeal. The blast of cool air inside the building made him woozy, which resulted in Victor swooning into Yuuri’s arms. He was all firm muscle and soft skin and those naked thighs were going to drive Yuuri mad, so he forced Victor to sit down on a bench and then forced him into a jinbei. Victor objected, saying his understanding of clothing was that it was typically donned _after_ fornication.

Typically, in such a scenario, Yuuri would have reacted in one of two ways. Distanced himself entirely out of massive discomfort or, if he felt others would be threatened, informed Mari and let her kick out the unwelcome creeper. He knew it was hypocritical, but the only reason he was not reacting in one of those two ways was because Victor was ridiculously hot. Which should not have been an excuse for potentially lewd behavior, but Yuuri had yet to have his butt grabbed. Maybe he was just drunk. Yuuri had definitely ground against a person or two while drunk. Phichit was sworn to secrecy about one incident that Yuuri hoped would never come to the light of day.

At the very least, the late hour meant that most guests had retired for the evening and those who had come for the onsen had already returned home. That or been frightened off by a horny glowing blond. Victor’s hair did stop glowing once they got inside. A trick of the light, definitely. Yuuri had to check the inn register twice for Victor, because the first time he found no record of him on the guest list. Victor told him to check again, so Yuuri did, and there the name was. When he glanced up, he swore he saw strands of silver hair standing up and wiggling like antenna before falling back down. Another trick of the light. Had to be.

The whole time, Victor kept flirting. He complimented Yuuri’s glasses and cheeks and legs and feet, of all things. He did not attempt to make any passes at physical contact, however, despite throwing winks that made Yuuri’s stomach churn in a way he could not describe. Like it was growling with hunger despite remaining quiet.

Perhaps that was what he needed. The inn kitchens were closed for the night and while Yuuri could go make himself something to eat, he felt the need for comfort food in his current trying circumstances. He looked over at Victor, who was leaning on the front desk, elbows on the wood, chin in his hands. He fluttered his long lashes at Yuuri, upon whom it was dawning that he might not make it through the night. “Are you… hungry?”

“For your co—”

“Don’t—just, no. For food.” Yuuri should just throw him out. Apologize formally, bow low, and tell him to go somewhere else. Except nowhere else around would be open to take in a wandering foreigner so late at night. Other than a love hotel. The nearest was far too much of a walk, and Yuuri did not think that driving Victor there would make for the best decision. He might get tempted inside if that butt stuck out one more time. Cause wow, what a butt.

“My first meal, absolutely!”

In Japan, he must mean his first meal in Japan. Well, too bad, because as far as Yuuri was aware there was no midnight kaiseki delivery service. He picked up the front desk phone and punched in the number, waiting as the line rang out.

“Who are you calling?” Victor asked.

Yuuri tried to focus on the buzzing of the dial tone and not the deep roll of Victor’s voice. He could imagine how it would sound, how it would feel whispering all hot and husky against the shell of his ear. “You’re… this is too much. I’m a bit stressed, okay, by this situation. I’m supposed to be on a diet but I really need a heavily loaded slice of pepperoni right now…”

“You’re calling a pizza boy?” Victor’s honey-dripped tone broke, turning up at the end of the question. His seductive pose abandoned, he stood up straight, suddenly concerned.

“Yeah?” Yuuri said, just as he got a response, the pizza place greeting him and inviting him to voice his request. Yuuri did not get the chance to place his order.

Victor grabbed the phone and hung it up with a touch more force than necessary. “Absolutely not, I object to this decision and question why this pizza boy is more desirable than me. If it is the outfit or the act of delivering food in a cardboard receptacle, I am able to fulfill that role just as well, given that you point me to the nearest pizza creation location. I have practiced for the job in my training and assure you I can provide a far superior sausage surprise in the box.”

Yuuri was back to blinking, because all of that, all of it, was odd. He was trying so hard to understand and wrap his mind around the bizarre situation he found himself in and the only answer he kept coming up with was that it was a dream. “Who are you?”

“I’m Victor.”

“Okay, then what are you? Because we’ve had a lot of foreigners here, and I lived in America for a while but you’re—you’re something else. Your hair glows and wiggles and I’m starting to doubt it’s a blacklight thing. Where are you from?”

“I’m from another world.”

“Well, obviously because you’re not—”

“—from a different planet.”

Yuuri held up a hand, indicating that he needed a minute. At this point, that would actually make the most sense. Certainly would explain that first greeting. “Come again?”

“Well, I would like to come for the first time.”

Yuuri’s extraterrestrial trivia was sadly lacking. All he had was general knowledge, plus whatever movies Phichit had run through him back in their dorm room on the rare free evening. “Are you here to probe me?” That would account for a lot of what he had said before.

“Only if you let me.”

The question of how he was meant to react was an obvious one. For one, of all the things Victor had said to him in the previous hour or so, it was probably the least crazy thing yet. If it were true, everything else fell into place. Yuuri was sure that there had to be some government agency that should be informed of this event, but Japanese bureaucracy likely meant they did not operate outside of the standard Monday to Friday, 9:00–18:00 hours. “Prove it. If you’re an alien.”

“Alien is actually an offensive term.”

Of course it was. Yuuri could understand that. “What do you prefer?”

“Explorer. Visitor. Guest researcher assigned to your so-called planet Earth.” Victor’s smile formed a heart shape in a way that was both unbelievable and strikingly natural.

“And you’re researching what?” Yuuri asked the question despite having a good guess.

“Human mating habits. I’ve done vast amounts of research already based on data available on your internet, it’s all fascinating. For example, I know that your law enforcement is easily persuaded with sexual favors, as are your educators, doctors, maids—actually, most professions. Humans seem to be extremely receptive to mating with strangers, which is why your refusal is so surprising to me. Is my body not attractive to you?” The fabric covering one of Victor’s milky shoulders slipped, exposing skin and the sharp line of his collarbone.

For his sanity, Yuuri chose not to answer the question. “You still need to prove it.”

Victor glanced up and Yuuri followed his gaze, watching as strands of Victor’s hair lifted on their own, joining together to form two silver antenna. Cute. The tips seemed to wiggle at him in greeting.

Okay then. Well, Yuuri did not have much to say. Or think. It was a lot to process. An alien—pardon— _a guest researcher_ stood in his family inn, claiming to want to research sex. With him. With Yuuri. How would sex with an alien even work? “How would sex with you even work?”

Victor lit up. Again, literally, his antenna momentarily glowing as if with excitement. “I am very well versed in human mating habits, at least those I have observed via your databases! From my understanding, you typically have one partner receive the sexual organ at a time, though exceptions are made when you engage in polyamorous play.”

“Databases?”

“RedTube, PornHub, X Videos... Your dedication to recording your mating ceremonies is both admirable and unheard of!”

Yuuri blinked. “You’ve been watching porn,” he stated.

“A lot of it.”

“Is that why you were unhappy with the pizza order?”

“Pizza delivery boys tend to accept sex as payment and leave the food cold as a result, thus my objection.”

Yuuri removed his glasses, rubbing at his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Victor was attempting to research human mating habits through porn. From his earlier quotes, not even the good porn, though what qualified as good had to be subjective. For all that Yuuri was aware, he was the first contact that an outside humanoid species was having with humanity. Morally speaking, allowing Victor to carry on with the wrong impression would be a shameful thing to do. “How long do you intend to stay here for research?” Bedding an alien that zipped off in a rotating pancake spacecraft immediately after would surely do a number on his mental health and ego. Yuuri needed to be prepared.

“I can stay until my designated mate demands that I leave. We’re very respectful of consent, it’s the base principle we align our morals by,” Victor smiled again.

Yuuri was suddenly curious how that gorgeous face would look in the throes of _a human mating ceremony._ Probably really hot. “So you would stay until I tell you to go?”

“That is correct.”

“Even if that lasts a while?”

“Ideally, it would. The longer I can research, the more accurate my findings will be.”

“What if you don’t like me?”

“I chose you because an analysis of your personality traits and life habits indicated that we would be an ideal match.”

Yuuri wanted a printed copy of this report. If he used that technology to create a dating service, he would never need to worry about a sponsorship check coming on time ever again. “What will you do the whole time you’re here? Just… stay in bed?”

“Oh, no, I would like to gather more information about your species overall. Your habits, daily life, how it is you prosper. I am very skilled in all areas, not just sex, so if you need objective expertise in any subject I am in your service. Preferably, whatever tasks or work I am given, I would be able to accomplish while remaining close to my designated partner, just in case any misunderstandings occur.”

“You’re saying you want to stay close to me?”

“And never leave, yes. At least, for as long as you’ll have me.”

Well, with everything as it was, Yuuri’s night could not get any stranger. Whether or not he was going to accept this as a reality, Yuuri had never been one to back down from a challenge. He had made his decision. He was going to bang an alie—guest researcher.

Yuuri grabbed Victor’s hand and dragged him down the hall and up the stairs, leaving behind only the impressed soft gasp of, “Wow, amazing!”

Yeah, he was going to show Victor the equivalent of _wow, amazing._ Beyond the scope of made-for-internet porn. Yuuri was going to sex Victor out of this world. Not literally. Figuratively. In a biblical sense.

Yuuri shut the door behind them quietly, because as dramatic as a forceful slam might be, he could not imagine trying to explain the situation to anyone in his family. So he latched the door with a soft click and spun, grabbing fistfuls of Victor’s jinbei and crashing their mouths together. If he was going to go for it, he was going to go hard. Victor wanted to know what human sex was like, so Yuuri was going to show him, even if his heart was pounding at two or three times a normal, healthy rate.

Victor moaned against Yuuri’s tongue, causing him to spark with a touch more confidence. This was fine, not like Yuuri was representing his entire species in a single session. Which he kind of was. Nothing to be nervous about. He just needed to focus, channel eroticism and skill and prowess and all of those things that he usually did not associate with himself in the least. He needed to push through that. To suck on that hot alien tongue and bite those soft alien lips and grind against that thick alien cock. Yeah, concentrate on that.

Yuuri pushed Victor back toward his bed, opening his eyes when he felt them hit the edge. The view he got was not one he was expecting. Under the grip-rumpled jinbei, Victor was glowing. Just like his hair had glowed outside, his skin shone with a soft silver, though his cheeks and the top of his chest flushed a shade of gold. Yuuri stared. “You blush gold?”

“My blood is gold,” Victor replied, lips parted and the long lashes over his blue eyes also giving off the moonlit sheen.

For a moment, Yuuri had been about to ask the question of whether it was solid gold, but that made no sense and Yuuri did not want to distract himself writing a thesis on alien anatomy while he could be getting acquainted with it on a more personal level. Letting it go, he pushed Victor onto the bed. “Strip,” he instructed, voice quivering only at the start, and did the same himself.

The fact may have been that Yuuri saw Victor butt-naked briefly prior, but that did not prepare him for coming face-to-face with a hung, hard, glowing and now golden alien dick. “Wow,” Yuuri breathed out, unable to help his gay self, “Amazing.” He wrapped his fingers around it and it was like taking hold of a phallic Academy Award. He would dedicate his accomplishments to his coach, the figure skating community, his college roommate, and porn. Amen.

“I want you to choke on it like a marshmallow.”

Yuuri stopped and looked up. “Is that from your research?”

“The setting was a grocery store. Do you also have a tendency for public copulation?”

There were several ways Yuuri could choose to answer that question. He chose to answer it in the method he determined likely to be most effective, which was by taking in a mouthful of glowing gold cock.

Victor fell back against Yuuri’s pillows and arched, letting out a sound in a language Yuuri was fairly certain did not exist in his solar system. An arguably husky, needy and erotic sound, which was promptly followed by a statement of, “Ahhh, yes, suck me drier than the Sahara and then fuck me raw.”

Yuuri was torn between giggling and finding that hot. He popped off. “Can you… not?”

“Not what?”

“The porn dialogue is going to be distracting.”

“Is the notion of fucking me raw unappealing to you?” Victor asked, his blue eyes wide with inquiry, hair slightly tousled, silver antennas back in view and craning forward like they too wanted to know. For some odd reason, Yuuri had the inclination to lick them. He would need to ask about that later.

“No?”

“Then you consent to fucking me raw.”

Yuuri felt he might be making a mistake, but he could not yet bring himself to regret it. A gorgeous, wanting man was asking him for the best things in life, who was Yuuri to refuse? Taking Victor’s ankles in his hands, Yuuri spread his legs and paused yet again. Victor, it seemed, would not cease being full of surprises. Anatomically, between the thighs, he appeared identical to a human male. Save for one detail. He was excreting shimmering silver slick. It looked like someone had dumped a gallon of glitter in a bottle of lubricant. “That’s new.”

“I am primed to make for an ideal mating experience,” Victor responded quite happily, smiling as if in accomplishment.

Yuuri sunk his fingers into the glittering, glowing body and bit back a groan because Victor was hot, wet, tight, eager, and waiting. A winning combination. He slotted himself over Victor’s body, sliding between his legs, lined up and ready to go. “Are you… sure?”

Victor threw his arms around Yuuri’s shoulders, legs hooking around his lower back. “Pump me full of your babies, Yuuri.”

Yuuri choked on air. “Not… not really, right?” He did not know how he would feel about half-human, half-guest-researcher offspring glowing all over the place. That would need to be negotiated later down the line.

“No, not really.”

“Great.” Hands braced flat against the mattress, Yuuri thrust in. And wow amazing, it was. After a minute, Victor’s string of bad porno dialogue faded off into more natural moans supplemented with pleas of _ahh, deeper, Yuuri, more, there, I want your cock there, right against my butter zone_ —okay, so not all of it was natural, but Yuuri quickly figured out that a good way to muffle some of the more creative dirty talk was by kissing Victor breathless. He fucked Victor into the mattress, caught in the heat and how Victor’s breath hitched on the inhale each time Yuuri sunk against his “butter zone.”

Victor’s hold tightened around him, skin glowing brighter against Yuuri’s, the gold flush spreading through him. Yuuri tasted a sweetness on Victor’s tongue, groaning into traded kisses. When Victor arched, shuddering with orgasm, he clenched down in a way that did weird and wonderful things to Yuuri’s nerves which he would never be able to describe and would be overlooked anyway, because when Victor came in his hand, he came sparkling silver. Streaks painted the fading glow of his skin, but Victor held on, encouraging Yuuri into him with gentle rocking until Yuuri fell over the edge as well, bewildered but sated.

Yuuri kissed Victor, partially to channel a strange buzz of affection, partially to make sure no more researched lines spoiled the moment. He collapsed down beside Victor, breathing hard and lost for words. “Wow.”

“Amazing,” Victor giggled, drawing out the same reaction from Yuuri.

For a few minutes, they lay side by side, until Victor walked fingers over and laced them into Yuuri’s. Yuuri accepted. “Well?”

“Better than research suggested.”

Laughing, Yuuri turned onto his side, gazing over at Victor. He blinked. Still there. Still glowing. Still ridiculously hot. That smile was killer, Yuuri would not mind keeping it around for a while. “That means you want to stay?”

“As I previously stated, I am highly skilled in many areas, plus I can quickly learn and adapt to any unfamiliar environment. I can fulfill any roll required, in addition to being your research partner.”

There was one thing. Taking a moment, Yuuri hummed with consideration and mimicked Victor’s against-the-lips finger tap. “...I need a new skating coach.”


End file.
